this is real... this is me..

01:58 pm - falling apart

i am falling apart...and there seemed to be nothing that i can do about it...

02:05 pm - latest

okay so i am now an official school journalist but my editor is such a pusher and he's pushing too much
i know he meant well but yeah he's my editor after all and i guess it's his job to be too pushy and he's inviting me to represent the school in some writing contest somewhere in ilocos or iloilo i think i'm just not sure and here's the catch ALL EXPENSES PAID and aside from that news...andrew and i haven't talked for days and i really miss him so much. it's like i don't have time for him anymore...man... rawr

Current Mood: busy

02:42 pm - i woke up one day and realized that he 's gone

heading already implies my emotions...

Current Mood: depressed

01:59 pm - pressure is pleasure

something is totally wrong and i can't put a finger in it and its so frustrating that my honey
seemed to be keeping himself distant and idk the hell why. i haven't talked to my real friends
for a while and i guess they're mad at me right now. but even if i want to there can't be any other
way because i don't have my phone with me since my mom's been hogging it for quite sometime now
and yeah i miss them a lot. there's gonna be a test tomorrow and i have to study everything about it
in order to still be at the top rank of the english class. man oh man do i feel so pressured

Current Mood: frustrated

12:55 pm - taking off on my own

its been a roller coaster ride; this college life...its fun and yet stressful at the same time.
i don't think i could live without the pressure...my friends...i miss them...my boyfriend...have to make time for him...my studies...have to prioritize them. i've already gotten 2 flunking grades...one in
general psych and another in Filipino I and yeah its frustrating since i've gotten the top rank on
English plus...i've got to maintain my grades...

there's still this problem about my bestfriend...almost a sister in some cases
i haven't talked to her for about almost a month already and yeah i miss her so much
we've shared everything; from ups and downs...and yet one phrase ruined everything...
and that i can't believe i'm hiding something from them...

i miss rawr yeah but in some cases i just have to live with the fact that the past can't be brought
back. it's hard yes, but what am i supposed to do? cry about it all the time? there would always come a time that a person just have to move on and i guess that the time has already arrived and i just have to make it on my own with or without them.

it's not that i'm throwing them out of my life hell no! I owe them my life but i really think that its time that i should stand on my own. ever since, i always depended on them  and it's time to let go.

Current Mood: blah

01:56 pm - so ironic

 you know what's ironic?  studying for a test and then you'll flunk and not studying and you end up being the top scorer of the class
a lot of weird things happened today i was ironing my school uniform this morning and i burned it so i ended up wearing something different then there was that unprepared test and got a 104
being bad in math and being elected as the class treasurer. man oh man

Current Mood: annoyed

01:13 pm - its on

we're back together again! :P yahoo!! i've so definetly learned my lesson 

Current Mood: cheerful

01:13 pm - sullied day

i woke up sullied, abused and defeated...its like i'm waiting for nothing and the feeling stinks...
i guess i should just let him go...no matter what the hell i feel...it doesn't matter anymore..it's my fault and
i deserved it.

01:38 pm - cat got my tongue

this picture is so cute
though i don't really like cats...i find it adorable

01:23 pm - my fault

alright so he hates me...and virtually it really is my fault...i guess i deserve this...

01:40 pm - my june disaster

i'm on my second day on the university...and yeah i was wrong...it wasn't that bad
i met new friends already and they're really nice.
just broke up with my boyfriend and that's bad...but it doesn't hurt like it used to before
maybe its because somehow, i just expected that it would happen.
he didn't do anything wrong...it was absolutely my fault...i thought he ditched me
but he was taking care of his grandmother...how amazing that in times i could be a real bitch!
what the hell is wrong with me? the other night i was about to kill myself because i felt taken for granted
an i was really forcing myself not to cry about it. and then the blood lust began..
*sigh* i really need a doctor...this can't continue anymore...i'm not the only one being hurt anymore but other people too

11:56 am - everything's ok...

school was moved to monday next week and the love of my life isn't going to jail anymore. granma stopped nagging me about the military stuff and i also went to VICTORY and man was it so cool! but the sad part is that my aunt's cancer had spread all over her body particularly to her bones so now she doesn't only have colon cancer but bone cancer as well
but  i know everything happens for a reason and whatever  that reason might be i still don't know...but somehow i know that everything is gonna be ok...i just know it.

12:20 pm - Writer's Block: A Last Day Well Spent

11:40 am - man oh man

its a whole lot different when your boyfriend haven't talked to you in like 2 days
and its a whole lot different when your granma is getting you hooked up with some general's
son. and it's a whole lot different when your boyfriend's going to jail...dang it!

12:16 pm - Writer's Block: Creepy Crawlies

12:09 pm - hagard

i am so tired and i felt like i haven't slept  a wink but the best part of them all 
is that i get to talk to my boyfriend everyday and he makes it all better for me
i know that sounds totally cheesy but hey what the heck?! i'm so in love...
so much that i hardly care what people thinks about it. 
*sigh*
school starts june 10 and i am so not yet ready for it
but somehow i know that u'll get through it one way or another

01:39 am - Busses and Trains

http://www.imeem.com/peeyah/playlist/NBs8RIPT/busses_and_trains_music_playlist/

06:47 pm - Writer's Block: Happy Earth Day

03:31 pm - just another day

today i filed my college applications in a school that i don't even wanna go im.
i actaully had no choice when it comes to my own future.
my relatives decide for me and i can't even take the course that i want
it's really really frustrating.
but then its okay...much better than not going into college anyway *sigh* 

01:31 pm - depresssion...desperation

today...while i was eating a late lunch with my mom...she broke a news about my aunt
she has been diagnosed to have colon cancer and has only 6 months to live...
i don't know how exactly to take the news...

i'm still under shock right now. i really do love my aunt so much...
first it was my granddad and now my aunt...
i know God has a reason for this...
i just wish my aunt could live longer...