this is real... this is me..

10:23 am - Been a While

It's been a while since i've last written. So here's the new's flash

1. My Aunt, the one suffering from colon cancer just passed last May 21

2. My love life has just turned major ZERO

03:28 pm - this is it

this is it! i'm turning 18 in less than a month and the last blog entry was about the countdown...the countdown has finally ended! i had my first kiss

Current Mood: accomplished

01:59 pm - Countdown to the first kiss

so it's been a long while since i've last blogged. so the latest would be the countdown to the first real kiss. i have like 64 days till my 18th birthday. nobody in my family had turned 18 without having their first kiss. well i would be once again the laughing stick of my family if i haven't had mine within 64 days. so i have made this Kiss List consisting of 5 friends and 5 classmates that i would really really like to kiss.

the Kiss List got really really controversial so i decided to eliminate the list for good. but here's one BIG question: WHO WILL BE MY FIRST KISS??? i mean i haven't been dating anybody. i don't even have a boyfriend right now. and if you've been reading my blog; my ex and i haven't kissed because he's living a million miles away from me. he's in the United States; Ohio respectively and here i am in the Philippines studying college.

somebody offered to be my first kiss but that guy happened to be attached to somebody else and i don't wanna hurt anybody so i declined and he is still pursuing me as of late. if i haven't been really desperate, i would still have the ability to think rationally and wait for the right person to come by but then i would become the family's laughingstock if they do find out that i have never been kissed even after a 3 year relationship.


WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO???

Current Mood: determined

05:26 pm - growing up badly

                                                                                        



R.A.W.R was the only group of friends that i ever had...you guys should probably know that. R.A.W.R was the only ones who understood.

01:23 pm - Just Stand Up

my sem break was spent in manila; the capital city of Philippines and i was there for one purpose; to take care of my aunt. as we all know, she was diagnosed with a stage four colon cancer and throughout my stay...it was there in front of my face...my aunt was sick and she isn't fighting the big C...at one time, she told me she wanted to go back to work if she'd still have the chance to do so. the doctor told her that she only had 6 months left starting the day of her diagnosis which was last march. and then i saw the cause of her depression; it was past the time limit and she was thinking that she'd die any moment now. and so i pointed out that "you've past the 6th month, you're on the 7th now coming on 8, isn't that a good sign enough that you're going to last? you won't die just yet so don't give up." and she started living again...her appetite returned, she bacame friendly again and she got stronger than before i came to take care of her. i love my aunt and i'm willing to do anything for her to live. i knew that everyone was expecting her to succumb but i saw hope and i fought for my cause and now, so does she.

Current Mood: accomplished

06:36 am - Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Free genealogy - Family tree template

05:58 pm - rough road

its been really busy lately midterms, publication training, cwts training and more. i have this huge contest coming up next month i'm not sure if i'd have enough inspiration to win though. Andrew and I are going through rough roads again. we hardly have enough time for each other and then i just started to not miss him...it's a very long story and it's hard to just blurt it out...

01:58 pm - falling apart

i am falling apart...and there seemed to be nothing that i can do about it...

02:05 pm - latest

okay so i am now an official school journalist but my editor is such a pusher and he's pushing too much
i know he meant well but yeah he's my editor after all and i guess it's his job to be too pushy and he's inviting me to represent the school in some writing contest somewhere in ilocos or iloilo i think i'm just not sure and here's the catch ALL EXPENSES PAID and aside from that news...andrew and i haven't talked for days and i really miss him so much. it's like i don't have time for him anymore...man... rawr

Current Mood: busy

02:42 pm - i woke up one day and realized that he 's gone

heading already implies my emotions...

Current Mood: depressed

01:59 pm - pressure is pleasure

something is totally wrong and i can't put a finger in it and its so frustrating that my honey
seemed to be keeping himself distant and idk the hell why. i haven't talked to my real friends
for a while and i guess they're mad at me right now. but even if i want to there can't be any other
way because i don't have my phone with me since my mom's been hogging it for quite sometime now
and yeah i miss them a lot. there's gonna be a test tomorrow and i have to study everything about it
in order to still be at the top rank of the english class. man oh man do i feel so pressured

Current Mood: frustrated

12:55 pm - taking off on my own

its been a roller coaster ride; this college life...its fun and yet stressful at the same time.
i don't think i could live without the pressure...my friends...i miss them...my boyfriend...have to make time for him...my studies...have to prioritize them. i've already gotten 2 flunking grades...one in
general psych and another in Filipino I and yeah its frustrating since i've gotten the top rank on
English plus...i've got to maintain my grades...

there's still this problem about my bestfriend...almost a sister in some cases
i haven't talked to her for about almost a month already and yeah i miss her so much
we've shared everything; from ups and downs...and yet one phrase ruined everything...
and that i can't believe i'm hiding something from them...

i miss rawr yeah but in some cases i just have to live with the fact that the past can't be brought
back. it's hard yes, but what am i supposed to do? cry about it all the time? there would always come a time that a person just have to move on and i guess that the time has already arrived and i just have to make it on my own with or without them.

it's not that i'm throwing them out of my life hell no! I owe them my life but i really think that its time that i should stand on my own. ever since, i always depended on them  and it's time to let go.

Current Mood: blah

01:56 pm - so ironic

 you know what's ironic?  studying for a test and then you'll flunk and not studying and you end up being the top scorer of the class
a lot of weird things happened today i was ironing my school uniform this morning and i burned it so i ended up wearing something different then there was that unprepared test and got a 104
being bad in math and being elected as the class treasurer. man oh man

Current Mood: annoyed

01:13 pm - its on

we're back together again! :P yahoo!! i've so definetly learned my lesson 

Current Mood: cheerful

01:13 pm - sullied day

i woke up sullied, abused and defeated...its like i'm waiting for nothing and the feeling stinks...
i guess i should just let him go...no matter what the hell i feel...it doesn't matter anymore..it's my fault and
i deserved it.

01:38 pm - cat got my tongue

this picture is so cute
though i don't really like cats...i find it adorable

01:23 pm - my fault

alright so he hates me...and virtually it really is my fault...i guess i deserve this...

01:40 pm - my june disaster

i'm on my second day on the university...and yeah i was wrong...it wasn't that bad
i met new friends already and they're really nice.
just broke up with my boyfriend and that's bad...but it doesn't hurt like it used to before
maybe its because somehow, i just expected that it would happen.
he didn't do anything wrong...it was absolutely my fault...i thought he ditched me
but he was taking care of his grandmother...how amazing that in times i could be a real bitch!
what the hell is wrong with me? the other night i was about to kill myself because i felt taken for granted
an i was really forcing myself not to cry about it. and then the blood lust began..
*sigh* i really need a doctor...this can't continue anymore...i'm not the only one being hurt anymore but other people too

11:56 am - everything's ok...

school was moved to monday next week and the love of my life isn't going to jail anymore. granma stopped nagging me about the military stuff and i also went to VICTORY and man was it so cool! but the sad part is that my aunt's cancer had spread all over her body particularly to her bones so now she doesn't only have colon cancer but bone cancer as well
but  i know everything happens for a reason and whatever  that reason might be i still don't know...but somehow i know that everything is gonna be ok...i just know it.

12:20 pm - Writer's Block: A Last Day Well Spent